Life sometimes has this mischievous way of putting you down. It's like you literally fall into a hole and you feel paralysed, stuck, with nothing to do or say. It's like a force which keeps you away from any attempt of recovering. No matter how hard you try to move in some direction, either left, right, towards or backwards, you just cannot move. What is this?

I've been asking myself this question for a couple of months now, but I haven't found a decent answer.  It's like my whole system needed this pause from everything and at some point, I got really tired from constantly fighting against this wall that had risen in front of me. I just let myself go with the flow and eventually, like the clouds that move on the blue sky, my wall went down, slowly, but surely. Needles to say how rejuvenated I felt and how full of energy and desire to start living... But what did make me rise up?

Well, my honest answer is that I have no idea. It just happened and it might had something to do with the fact that I stopped fighting that force which initially brought me down...really, really down.
I won't even try to label it because it won't do me any good. I'm pretty sure many would immediately find a name for this condition I went through. I just want to share with you how it impacted me. I won't pull any science fiction narrative style on you because it's not who I am. Just real facts and real feelings!

Waking up in the morning was no problem for me, as it never was. However, not long after having my breakfast, I would instantly go into this "zombie" state, feeling tired, as if after a long and stressful day. Now, when I think about it, I can firmly say that it wasn't my diet that was "holding me back", nor my sleep schedule, as I would get really good nights' sleeps, like never before, actually. It was just something which was constantly on within me. It felt like a constant vibration, like a continuous jiggle, or something like that. But I was also feeling tired, or at least this is what I thought it was.

The idea is that, even though I would eat well and sleep well, I still felt like my body was trying to tell me something. As far as my workout routine is concerned, I didn't have one, but I would be quite active all day long, like doing all kinds of stuff around the house, walking my dog on the beach, which required me to go down and eventually up quite a lot of stairs. It felt like doing exercise, even though it was not something organised and scheduled, like a normal workout routine, but still, it made me not feel any back pains or other such aches. However, I still felt tired, or at least, this is how I call it,because I don't have any other name for it.

So what was wrong with me? What was keeping me back from writing each day, from reading and from singing, three of the things that I like to do the most?

If I'd try to answer these questions, I would probably repeat myself with the "my body needed a break" because it's the only thing that comes in my mind. The thing is that this blockage felt right, felt like something that I had to do, as it was not bringing me any prejudice. Well, practically speaking, it was, because I went through a couple of months without writing and reading and singing, but in my heart, I felt calm and I would dare to say even balanced. Balanced and tired, that is. So how can one feel well when one cannot do the things which one likes the most? Weird, right?

Was it really tiredness that which I felt, considering that I would still do things? Maybe yes, maybe not, I still didn't figure it out.

Did this ever happen to you? If it did, maybe you can give me a clue to try and understand what I went through.

Oh, and the moral of my little story: Don't consume yourself too much with the negative in your life! Just let it happen and always remember that it's just a phase and it will eventually pass.

Take care of your souls!